Until now, there was thousand, millions of wars and battles. Because of that, astronomical number of people was dead. War happens because of few wrong peoples. Almost all people hate war. But why are there so many people fighting in the battle? It is because they are forced to do it against punishment. So, it is a forced labor. Most of the soldiers are adults. But there are few bad people who make children to fight. One of them, and the world most bad person is Joseph Kony.
Joseph Kony is working in Uganda, which is a country in Africa. Most people think Uganda is actually a safe country because they don't know about Kony. But I think Kony is the Africa most serious problem. Kony kinnapes many children and make them fight against their own family. One of the characters, which is Jacob saw his brother dying. I would not be this much angry when he uses adults. But he makes children a soldier and almost his slave.
How can we stop him?
Because of thier hard work, Obama agreed sending military to Uganda. 20 powerful people, 12 goverment people will help them. In 12 government people , thier is Ban Gi Mun, which is the UN president. Also, the vedio is offering us money. They know that we has less moneys, so we can give them a little money lots of time. I wish in 2013, Joseph Kony will be in jail.
Hi. Your writing TA Sohyeon here. I agree with your point that children should not be in the war. You focused on children on most of your essay, and I think that is a very effective way to approach the given issue. Next time, try to keep to the simple format of argumentative writing: Introduction + Argument 1, 2, (3) + Conclusion. When you are used to making organized arguments, then you might loosen up a bit and write more freely. But I want you to practice 'arguing in format' when you are writing an argumentative essay. If you don't understand what I mean, come and see me in e11. Overall, I liked your essay. Good work :)
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ReplyDeleteHi. Your writing TA Sohyeon here.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your point that children should not be in the war. You focused on children on most of your essay, and I think that is a very effective way to approach the given issue. Next time, try to keep to the simple format of argumentative writing: Introduction + Argument 1, 2, (3) + Conclusion.
When you are used to making organized arguments, then you might loosen up a bit and write more freely. But I want you to practice 'arguing in format' when you are writing an argumentative essay.
If you don't understand what I mean, come and see me in e11.
Overall, I liked your essay. Good work :)
oops. It's e111 :)
ReplyDelete